Recently, a dear friend of mine said to me, “Your such a good mom, lately, I feel like I need to stop reading your facebook posts because they make me feel bad about myself. I don’t miss my kids when they go to school, I need the break.” OH NO!!!! That is so sad to me! I don’t post them to make people feel BAD about themselves! Jeez Louise! I post them to encourage and uplift, to get people thinking and make them feel good……. not to make them feel BAD!!

So for those of you who might have felt slightly in the same way, (in case you happen to red this anyway), here is a disclaimer.

I missed my kids horribly the first day then went back to school. Even the second….. but the third and fourth, I had started to thoroughly enjoy cleaning my house, snuggling with my baby, going grocery shopping with ONLY Hannah, and I even enjoyed picking them UP from school! I especially enjoyed it because I was getting to hear what they did and how they made new friends and were feeling better and better about our family choice to send them back. I enjoyed not fighting with them everyday, and feeling like a horrible person because I couldn’t teach my children school, and hating every second of something I wanted so badly to love and be good at.

Someone recently said about me with a Chuckle, “Oh Willow, she’s happy no matter what, shes fine with whatever.” I would not say that’s true…….. I have my preferences, I would LOVE for all my children to spend every single day of their school lives at Private Christian school like Windsor Christian…. I would PREFER them NOT to have friends that used the F word and played rated M 18+ video games at age 6. But if that’s not possible…… I’m going to MAKE THE BEST out of what they ARE getting to do. I am going to focus on the POSITIVE of the situation and work through the negative. That’s just what I do, it’s how I have learned to stay sane. And if by posting all of the GOOD things about my life and my thought processes on facebook helps me to do that, then I will keep doing it. It’s true, I don’t post every negative thought that goes through my head on facebook. I’m not telling you about the 100’s of bad food choices I’m making and all the days I WANT to work out but I don’t or I can’t….I don’t tell you about the days I want to crawl up in a bawl and cry all day. Who would that help? Certainly not me, and certainly not you. Does that make me “Fake” or not real? No……. it makes me someone who tries to bring the BEST of my mind and heart into the light, and let the other part die in the darkness. Oh it’s there, trust me….. but I’m gonna smother it with the positive aspects of all of the things in my life, smother the darkness to death. Going out of my way, to post the happy, and wonderful thoughts that come into my head, helps me to do just that.

That being said, I am a HUGE proponent of talking out your dark feelings. Don’t hide them or they can never be dealt with. TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THEM!! But not on facebook. What you put on facebook can define who you are and what you stand for to others. I am well aware that what I say, and post on facebook defines me to many of you, especially those of you I don’t see in real life. I want to encourage, uplift, teach and share……… not use you all as my counseling session. Make sense? I hope so. I really do love you all so, and never want my way of keeping myself sane in this world to make any of you feel bad……… we all have darkness and light….. I am just sharing my light…..