Confessions of an imperfect mom.

I recently had an experience with a friend, that made me realize, I might have an image of perfection in some areas of my parenting, that simply aren’t true.

I mentioned that I wasn’t really getting much breast milk from the pump anymore, and my frozen storage was almost gone, and I was going to have to give Hannah some formula pretty soon. There response was this, “Oh wow, that just sounds so strange coming out of your mouth Willow” Another friend while she was nursing her new baby, compared herself to me, in that she would never give her son formula, just like I never would.

Uhhhhhh……. sorry to burst your bubble, but all of my kids have had forumla. And all of them BEFORE Hannah’s current age of 8 months. A pump only works on my for a while, with the others, it was about 5 months that it stopped working, this time, I have been able to eek it out till 8 months. And I work a little bit, she’s going to get a little bit of formula. I still produce milk for the babes while they nurse, but the pump just doesn’t’ do the same thing, no matter how high grade it is. And I never felt bad about it before, I mean, if I’m giving my baby yogurt and food, what’s a little formula going to to do to them. But for some reason, this time, with Hannah, I felt bad. Because people just don’t expect that of me, they expect me to be able to do all things, work, nurse, pump, produce for the pump. They kinda expect me to the be the “perfect mom” I have somehowe built myself up to be. Well, sorry to burst your bubble…… But I’m far from the perfect mom.

Here are some other things you might be surprised to know about me and my AMAZING motherhood.

After every birth, I tell myself, if I get pregnant again, I’m scheduling a Cesarean……. way easier then what I just went through. And then, I change my mind. 🙂

I do NOT enjoy natural birth. I do it because I believe in the capacity of the human body to give birth when it is left alone and given the opportunity. I do not find it powerful or amazing (for me) like some other woman I have been with……. I’m so blessed to be part of a birth like that, but it’s not been my personal experience. I hate the pain of contractions, but I love the truth that our bodies are designed to bring forth the child that we grew inside of us, with little intervention or risk. Mess with that process, and you bring trouble.

I hardly do art with my kids. Or cook with them. I pretty much HATE arts and crafts.

I regularly feel like a bad mom and don’t know why they love me so much.

I was HORRIBLE at homeschooling them. Oh how I wish that wasn’t so….

I feed them WAY to much crap. WAY more then I ever got, and I feel so guilty over it.

I’m so embarrassed about my stupid leg veins, that I won’t go swimming with them most days….. it takes A LOT for me to quickly slip into the pool.

I’m actually not that great with OTHER peoples kids. If I cant nurse them, or slobber all over them with kisses…. it’s just not the same.

For some reason, unbeknownst to me, I have this reputation of being and “amazing mother”. As much as I enjoy the accolades, (I’ve never been one to shy away from a compliment), I don’t really understand where this idea comes from.

When I think of the list in my mind, about the definition of “amazing mother”, I really don’t match up. Here is list of some things amazing mothers do, in my book:

Read to their children every night.
Read the bible to their children, every night.
Keep a clean house, on top of…
Cooking whole healthy food, every single night.
Never giving in to “drive through dinner”.
Doing arts and crafts with their kids on a regular basis.
Teaching their children an instrument.
Teaching their children to paint and draw.
Sewing and mending clothing.
Meal planning and having dinner on the table every night when Daddy get’s home, even when I have to work.
Having kids who excitedly, stand, sing and worship during church.
Have kids who excitedly eat all their veggies.
Teach their kids all of the Sunday school songs.
Lead family devotionals and worship time on a regular basis.
Teach good manners.
Sit down together for dinner, as a family, most nights of the week.
Never let their kids eat in front of the TV.
Breastfeed 100% without their children ever touching formula
Make all their baby food out of organic healthy fruits and vegetables, never buying processed crap from the store.
Not giving their child sugar until far after their first birthday.
Be willing to homeschoool their kids, even if it’s a miserable disaster in their lives.

A lot of these I do, sometimes…… not as much as I would like. But many of them, I don’t do at all…… never, ever. But I love my kids. A lot. I love them with a love that is not my own, but is so real, and intense, and thick, that I want to do whatever I can to give them a happy and whole life, and a relationship with the giver and creator of Love, our one and only God.

That’s it. That’s really where my amazing motherhood begins and ends. So you can stop looking up to me now. And realize, all of us, are good at at a few things about mothering. Another thing I just don’t get, is other people idolizing other people. We are all good at something, and we all have something to give. Let’s just work on finding out what those things are, and walking and living in them, and let other people who are good at other things, live and walk in those other things for us.

I’m thankful to have people in my life, and my kids lives, who are good at art, crafts, and help me teach them these things. I’m thankful for their teachers, who are doing the job I can’t do. I’m thankful for a strong church body, who will come along side where Jason and I fall. I’m thankful for parents and their grandparents who fill in the gaps where we are left wanting. I’m thankful for all of the mothers and mother figures in my life that teach me and challenge me every day to be better, and be more.

I’m totally okay with being imperfect. I hope you are too. 🙂