Hospitality. I have been thinking about this idea a lot lately. What does it mean to be hospitable…. to open your home to friends, family, food, laughter, and fun. That’s what it means to me. It’s actually a high calling as a Christian to have an open and hospitable home… ready to serve and feed those who might need it. The official definition is this:
Hospitality: the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers.
synonyms: friendliness, hospitableness, warm reception, welcome, helpfulness, neighborliness, warmth, kindness, congeniality, geniality, cordiality, courtesy, amenability, generosity, entertainment, catering, food
I love the thought of this…….. the friendly and generous reception of visitors or strangers….. ahhhh…….. it sounds like a nice warm hug, something I would just be SOOOOOOOO into. But to be honest, I struggle with hospitality. The thought of someone coming over to my house unannounced terrifies me to the core. Most people who know me know your NOT allowed to just stop by. I need to know your on your way. I need a chance to quickly pick up stuff, throw away the poopy diapers that I haven’t had a chance to get to the outside trash can, (Diaper Genies don’t work on a 13 year olds poopy diaper). But away to loads of laundry baskets that hang out in my entry way because well, that’s right near the washer and dryer, among other things. And no, it’s not because I’m a perfectionist and want everything to be perfect, it’s because unless we are PLANNING on having guests, or maybe it’s at night after all the kids are in bed and by some crazy chance Jason and I had the energy to do dishes after dinner and getting the four kids to bed…….. the house is a mess. Not a dirty, unsanitary mess, but yes, a mess. Oh, one other time it’s often clean, between 4:45 and 5:30, so Jason has a relatively clean house to come home to after work. (this is something I try to do, but do not by any means always succeed in). But if you came over at 5:45, it would be a disaster again. I have spent YEARS beating myself up for this. Not only is it usually messy, it’s not decorated and adorned like other peoples houses. I don’t have nice stuff. Why should I? My kids, especially Ben destroy everything. Ben actually plays by destroying stuff. It’s his happy place. And to be quite honest, home decor and stylish walls are not a passion or a gifting of mine. I have no clue how to put stuff like that together, and I don’t want to spend money and time on that kind of thing. So my home is functional, and cozy, and I love it. I really do. It is perfect for the family that I have, no matter which house we have lived in, it’s always been this way.
But as I have grown as a woman and especially a Christian woman whom Hospitality is almost a commandment, I have come to believe that you can only have a hospitable home if it is fancy, and beautiful, and sparkling clean. Some of my favorite people in the world model this kind of home and hospitality so well, that I pretty much believed it HAD to be this way of you just shouldn’t have people over at all. And to be honest, this lie, has kept us from being hospitable………… A LOT. Way too much. When I think about having someone over for dinner, It’s a plan to spend the WHOLE day cleaning, (which means kids watch to much TV, or Screen time, and then the WHOLE late afternoon early evening cooking, about 2 hours of enjoying peoples company, and then having a big mess to clean again tomorrow. It’s exhausting. And most of the time it just doesn’t seem worth it. Every time I tell my husband I invited someone for dinner, he’s glad, but his shoulders slump as he realizes the work that’s going into it. Like somehow in order to have someone over, we have to pretend, to the best of our ability that we are not the family of 6 with one special needs child and a baby with two in between that we are. That just because our house is never going to be featured on homes and gardens that they won’t have a good time. These are lies, all lies. Lies from the enemy to keep us from opening our home with the love, and acceptance, and Christlike compassion that is in our hearts. It’s sad when you think about it that way. A dear friend of mine recently said, “God gave me this home, I’m going to use it for HIS purposes”. So true!! My home is a gift! It’s beautiful and big and I’m proud of it! I giggle with others about the Forest Green Plush carpet, because it’s so out of fashion. But It’s GREAT. Nothing stains it, it’s super comfortable, and it’s actually my FAVORITE COLOR!! HA! The house is not unsanitary. I’m not a hoarder. There is not garbage laying about and rotten food under stuff. I vacuum and sweep at least every 2 to 3 days…….. but it’s never enough to maintain a sparkling clean home.
BUT……… Here is where the CHANGE OF HEART comes in. First, a horrible, awful confession: I guess having a beautifully decorated, well put together home is the best of the best, the end all- be all of being a woman. Well, I gotta tell you, people with homes like that……. I put up a barrier with them. I have several friends who’s houses are like that, that I will do almost anything to keep them out of mine. It’s horrible. Great people, loving, hospitable people, who have a passion for the art of creating and keeping a nice home, are only welcome to be my friend if we do it outside of my home. I have lied, (yes, folks, sometimes I sin too) to keep them out of my home. I have waited for them out front, I have cracked my door when they came over……… I have been HORRIBLE!!! The hours they spend decorating and cleaning, and making their home beautiful, do you think they ever thought THIS would be a by product of that? Willow who loves everyone doesn’t want them in her home? Pretty sad, and I’ve done this to myself, THEY have done nothing wrong, and they are being treated unfairly. Still, this will be a hard habit to break. But recently I REALIZED SOMETHING THAT HAS REVOLUTIONIZED THE WAY I THOUGHT ABOUT HOSPITALITY.
We were having a family over for dinner, I was excited. I loved this family so much. They were due to arrive at around 6, and Jason got home around 5. I was making dinner and he comes in the house ready for battle, “Okay, what can I do to help you clean”. I said, “It’s fine, the house is picked up and the toilette’s cleaned, diapers put away, it doesn’t need to be perfect, they have lots of kids to and a simple home”. They were a family with 4 kids that lived in a two bedroom apartment, and were happy, and healthy. I had the OPPISITE feeling with them, then I did with the friends with “perfect homes”. Their home was kid centered, cozy, warm, and fun. Just like mine. I was excited about them coming, because I love to cook, and love to have people in my home, I LOVE to be hospitable, but I didn’t feel the pressure to be anything other then what we were. A busy family who has 4 kids! A family who loves people but doesn’t have a perfect home. And that’s when I realized………… I am excited and happy to have these people over, and I don’t have any fear of judgment by them, because they have a simple, non fancy home like ME!!!! WHAT IF…………. WHAT IF……….. people felt MORE comfortable in a home like MINE because they realized that I am NOT perfect. That they don’t have to lie to keep ME out of their home, that they don’t have to scramble to clean and throw things away when I come over, because I get it. I live that kind of life too. WHAT IF being HOSPITABLE even with the limitation of my life and my personality and ability makes people MORE COMFORTABLE IN MY HOME…… and COMFORTABLE having ME over to theirs. I gotta tell you, I love walking into a home with dust-bunnies in the corners and a carpet that may not have been vacuumed that day, or maybe even the day before, (gasp). I let out a big sigh of relief and then I can relax. I love to walk into a home with toddler toys or legos scattered about, because even if they were put away before we go there, they were going to be that way in 5 seconds. That makes me feel good. That makes me feel accepted, and normal. I realize not everyone is like this………. there are A LOT of germaphobes out there, who are terrified by dirt and disorder, but not me. (Surprisingly, (not), those people seem to be sick the most often). I like to see a messy desk and some dishes in the sink, and laundry piled and not put away, because, well, it makes me feel like i’m not a horrible person for not getting around to that at my house either. I can relax, and enjoy, and let go of any self judgment, or self criticism, and just truly BE present with the person who has allowed me into their home.
So with all that said, I’ll finish by saying, if you have a perfect home, your not welcome in mine. LOL…………I’M JUST KIDDING. 🙂 No, but here it is: I’m done with ONLY having people over if I have time to do a deep clean. I’m DONE with only having people over if I have hours to prepare. If your going to be offended by my cozy, warm, KID Centered house………. or not feel comfortable because there is not beautiful art on the walls and yes, there might even be a spot on the couch where a kid wiped their hand after eating a PB&J that I don’t notice till right before you get here, then you probably shouldn’t come over. But otherwise, you are welcome. I love you. I love to cook. I love to serve. I love people. And because of Ben, unless we get care for him, going over to other peoples houses just doesn’t work. So if we want to visit, it’s got to be over here. And so if your okay with my house being imperfect, let’s do it. Let’s plan a dinner party. Maybe, just maybe, my home, will make you feel BETTER about yours. Our homes are gifts given to us by God, let’s use them for HIS Glory. And being Hospitable is doing JUST THAT. But still……… don’t stop by without warning me your on your way first, I’m not ready for that. 🙂 Baby steps folks, baby steps.
And here are some photos of the current state of my house……… just to desensitize myself to it all. 🙂 And not be panicked if you happen to drop by today. 🙂 The Desk i’m typing on, is a piece of junk. It’s the desk with Ben’s computer on it that he eats at, colors on, and messes with all the time. Keys, a screwdriver , toys, andpapers all on it. Oh, and dust. The floor, swept yesterday, a diaper Hannah brought over while I was typing, a Q-tip that has fallen from the counter top, Hannah’s snack cup, and well……… crumbs and stuff. The Kitchen…… it was spotless yesterday. 🙂
