You have to know it’s God. It’s fully leaning on, trusting, and moving forward. Despite our fears, despite our uncertainties, we move forward in faith. It’s a beautiful thing when the answer comes with a victory. What am I talking about specifically. The decision to stop homeschooling after only a half of a year. The decision to send Elijah back to public school. To say I had grown terrified of public school was an understatment. When everything came together so beautiful and perfectly to send Elijah to a private Christian school after our traumatic house fire, I was sure this was our new normal. There was nothing better then this awesome, private, higher education, christian school. He would make Christian friends, who didn’t cuss and who didn’t offer him drugs and talk to his young innocent mind of things like sex at such a young age. We had it all. We afforded it, barely. The plan was to start to work more during the day as all my kids were in school now, and Micah would spend Kindergarden and first grade at Maddie, a wonderful school, and by 2nd grade join Elijah at Windsor Christian. That was OUR plan. But as often is the case God had other plans. I found out I was pregnant in December of Elijah’s 4th grade year. And as the reality of a baby set into our lives, we knew that private school was no longer a luxery would could afford, not only for Elijah, but especially for Micah too. It wasn’t fair to just send one kid. But the awesomeness of this school, I almost held onto like an idol. As if this kind of education and ONLY this education was good enough for my kids. When Jason told me, we have to tell him he’s not going back there next year, I cried. I remember pulling up to the school that day to pick him up. As I waited for him to run out with excitement and love of life and school, I sat in my car and cried. Christian school, for Elijah was one of the hardest things I have ever had to give up. And if I couldn’t give my boys that, I would give them home school. The thing I said I could NEVER do. The thing I said I would be HORRIBLE at…….. I all of a sudden changed my mind. It was a desperate plea to hold on to my idol. I had friends who were doing it successfully, and heard stories of the big bad public school and the kinds of things my boys would encounter there. So on August 12th, 2013, I began to home school Elijah and Micah…… that was about 2 weeks before Hannah was born. Within days of her birth, we sat together in her bed, doing work, and lessons. There were great days, but mostly hard ones. Although it seemed to work out well with Micah, Elijah was miserable. Most days we cried, both of us. My principals list (highest honor at WCA) student, who was well known as a good writer and gifted at Math, was nothing like that in homeschool. I started to wonder if in fact his teachers just gave him easy work, and he wasn’t that smart after all. Because I was NOT seeing that smart, driven, loving learning kid kid that I had known him to be since his early days in Kindergarten. I quickly learned that Elijah THRIVED on competition and companionship. And even with the counsel of other homeschooling moms to change the very difficult curriculum I had started with, no amount of curriculum change could have offered him that. It was with a heavy hard that we called it quits after only one semester. I felt like a failure, I felt inadequate. What was wrong with me? How come we couldn’t make it work when so many others could? Other successful home school moms said, “Yes, it’s hard work, but we do it for our kids” I felt like I just wasn’t a good enough mom to do the “hard work”. But I knew that wasn’t really true. I would do anything for my kids, anything. And the whole reason we started on this educational adventure was because I wanted what was BEST for my kids, and this was NOT best. Although I tried to convince Jason that I would JUST home school Micah, because he did fine with it……. Jason convinced me that it wouldn’t work to just have ONE boy home school. So in January of 2-14, they both went back to their Windsor schools. Micah got into the best class with the best teacher, and two of his best buds from baseball and Kindergarten in it. It was immediately as if he was there all year long. He loved it, as he is just an easygoing guy who does well in many different types of situations. Elijah went into a 5th grade class, with a recommended teacher and one person he knew. He did……. okay, still didn’t love school, or love learning, but definitely liked it better then home-school. He now jokes about home school as the worst thing he’s ever done. We laugh about it together, knowing how hard we tried and how we struggled. He would come home every day and shock me with all of the crazy things he heard, all the cussing and sex talk, and all the kids who played rated M video games at age 10. We marveled together at what a different world it was. And he kept talking, telling me everything, growing together, learning together. Their were days that he got caught up in trying to be liked and cool, and found himself throwing out cuss words here and there. He told me about that too. Even though he knew I would be upset. He trusted me, and it helped him move through it to tell me about it. Then the summer came. And he realized he didn’t need to be anything else other then himself to be liked. He was a well liked kid, whether he cussed or not. What a gift. A true, and real gift.

As the summer came to a close, and the reality of middle school got more and more real…… he began to be nervous. So did I. Anxious, awake, fearful, nervous. I was literally trying to figure out a different way to school because I didn’t want to drive past Windsor Christian everyday, fearing that both of us would cry and pine for what was before. Again, we talked about these things. He was brave, and coming at it with confidence and a precious spirit that in his real fear and anxiety, he was trying to make me feel better. Always a peacemaker, and lover of others, he was brave, so I wouldn’t worry.

After only two days of middle school he exclaims………. I LOVE MIDDLE SCHOOL!!! And he did! He loved the moving from class to class, all of the different teachers, and enviroments. He loved his math teacher and his Language arts teacher, he loved PE, and well, he just loved all of it. I was sure it would fade. IT didn’t. He loved it. He once again LOVED TO LEARN!! I was a very happy Mamma. As the weeks turned into months, the workload got more intense. He got way behind, not because he couldn’t do the work, but because he was having a hard time turning things in, learning the process, knowing what was due when, remembering to write it all down. He had an F in math and and F in Journalism, and a C in social studies, because he just couldn’t seem to learn the system. I was in contact with his teachers regularly. They were AMAZING at getting back to my emails within the day, usually within the hour. We worked together to help him improve. I even found myself in the school office one morning after a meltdown on his part, where I once again heard, “I hate school!”. The school counselor talked to me, we found a way to make things work better. They really cared. The following Monday, he loved school again. He worked hard to get his grades up. By mid quarter he had gotten all his grades up to an A except math which was a C. I knew he could pull it around, and promised him his own cell phone, (only a flip phone, not a smart phone) if he got his math grade to an A. He worked hard, I had to work with him, and still was in almost daily email communication with his Math teacher. We changed some things around, moving him from Journalism to Leadership, (a GREAT switch and leadership is a wonderful fit for Elijah). He had now said again……….. “I love school!” and then he said, “I just love middle school so much mom, it’s not JUST moving from class to class, I love what I’m learning, I LOVE TO LEARN!”. It was one of my favorite things he has ever said, and this is a boy who say’s A LOT. By the quarters end, he has ALL A’s, and a B+ in Math. He didn’t quite make the A in math, but he got it up from an F mid quarter….. and all of his other grades were soooo impressive, he got his phone. He doesn’t use it much yet, but the fact that he has one, inevitably gives him a little more freedom. I like to know he has it to call me if he needs me, or send me a text if he’s coming back late from school so Ben and Micah and Hannah and I don’t have to wait in the car wondering where he’s at. By the end of the First Semester he had ALL A’s, and even an few A+’s.   And for all of the fear, anxiety and anxiousness I had about being a homeschool FAILURE……. I now feel great. I think homeschool is so great, and if I had to do it all over again, maybe I would have started them that way, and in that I think we would have been successful. But since we did not, for Elijah anyway, it was not the right thing. Is he running into all of the horrible things I worried he would, many of them, yes, and I’m sure there will be more to come. But he LOVES to tell me about it. He thinks it’s funny and he loves to share it with me. Am I sure he won’t ever engage in it. Nope, I’m not. I hope he doesn’t, and I think he’s got a great foundation, (very much thanks to Christian School, but mostly because of our family structure and faithfulness to our Christian values and church). I am trying to keep him connected with his Windsor Christian friends, as I know most of them will go to Windsor High in 2.5 short years, and then he will have that great foundation of friends in high school. But most of all, I’m so very proud of him. I can’t even put it into words. I’m proud of him, and I’m proud of us. I’m proud of Jason for standing firm with me, and I’m proud of myself for doing what was best, even though I hated doing it. But this is only half of the story….. there is still Micah.

We have always talked about Elijah and how he was smart, and good athlete, but he had to work hard at athletics. Micah was a natural. Everyone see’s it, he’s amazing with a bat and ball for his young age, and currently excelling at Basketball. We never though too much about academics, because well, he was just so young. But man oh man, now in second grade he’s showing to be right in line with his big brother. He loves to learn. He does his homework with excitement and intensity. He cares. And guess what…….. he’s super smart. Super duper smart. Math comes easy, he’s a great reader, and an even better speller. He’s at the top of his class. I look at these boys and wonder how they got so smart, and then I remember, oh yeah, Jason is their father. Who although never went to collage, due to life circumstances and not being encouraged to go really, is truly the smartest man I know. I am excited to see where Micah goes in academics….. he’s moving towards greatness. I’m along for the ride, here to help, and I know they all thank God daily that I am not their teacher. 🙂 I thank God for that too.